Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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