Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
