hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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