do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
this is an emotional support booty call
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
