just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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