Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
