ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
