The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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