You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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