At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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