I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
