Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
