i barfeds in our rink
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
