Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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