obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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