He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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