I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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