Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
