im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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