We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
