just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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