my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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