He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
