How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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