Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
