I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
