I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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