He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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