I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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