Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize