in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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