god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
