This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
