my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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