Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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