I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
