I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
