worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
