My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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