Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
