Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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