so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
