Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
