You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
