i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
