I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
