Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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