The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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