DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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