You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
