so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
