I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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