My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The power of my boobs compel you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
