Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I touched a dick in church today
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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