New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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